On making friends in -15°

They say making friends after college is one of the hardest things to do. Harder than finding a significant other. I believe this and I’m not even done with college. I have, however, decided to finish my studies in a country where friendships are few but deep.

Someone once explained to me that making friends with Swedes was like getting ketchup out of the bottle (Swedes love ketchup) you bang and bang and bang on the side and nothing comes out and then all of the sudden your entire plate is flooded. That’s true. I got to that flood eventually, but then I moved. And moved. And moved again. Now I’m getting tired of banging.

I know I’m not the only person who sits at home on Saturday nights because I don’t feel like going out and don’t have a best friend to call to come watch a movie with me. I know I’m not the only one because my roommate is doing the same thing. She’s Norwegian and more likely than not having the same issues with the Swedish population as I am. Unfortunately she’s only lived here about a week and we haven’t really gotten to the point of being able to admit our lameness to each other. We’ll get there.

I’m not saying I don’t have friends, I do. I have friends to go out with, to get a drink with, to go shopping with. I don’t have friends to do nothing with. That’s a deeper kind of friendship, a truer kind. A friend who you can do nothing with, talk about nothing with, just be with is the most precious of friends. Cherish those friends – they might not always be close by.

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Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, hook up, booty call…

I have a fuck buddy.


I rarely use the word fuck, but since the beginning of this “relationship” it has certainly graced my vocabulary more often than usual. There are a thousand ways to say you’re sleeping with a person without actually being in a relationship with that person. In my case (our case?) I feel like fuck buddy fits the best. We’re buddies, we are. Friends – but not best friends. We argue (mostly about politics), we drink beer (when we can afford it) and we hang out on random Friday nights watching the National Geographic channel – but only sometimes, when neither of us has anything or anyone better to do. We’re friends, but mostly buddies. And then we fuck.


Friends with benefits seems like it could be another viable option but as I said before, I prefer fuck buddy. We’re friends – sort of – but benefits seems more like dental insurance and a 401k. Friends with benefits feels like the friend you’ve decided you’ll marry if you’re both single at 35. It’s the friend you cuddle with after lonely sex on Saturday night because neither of you could get a date. That’s not what it’s like with my fuck buddy.


Sure, we hang out on the weekends when neither of us can get a date but it’s not a perk or a benefit of an otherwise normal friendship. We hang out because we get along fairly well and because ultimately we know we’re going to be having sex eventually and National Geographic is an interesting way to pass the time.


The sex with my fb (not Facebook) is not “friends with benefits” sex that reeks of wanting something else, something more. It’s not 3 am drunken phone call booty call sex either. It’s comfortable, we can say anything and don’t have to worry about impressing the other person – get in and get it done or make it take hours sex. It’s not having to worry if you’re “allowed” to spoon your booty call as you fall asleep (are you allowed to sleep there?). It’s not the awkward hug and peck on the lips with weird hungover morning breath of the hook up. It’s naked, it’s sex, it’s comfortable and it’s convenient – it’s fucking and we’re buddies.

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Anonymity and Honesty

They say the internet and anonymity bring out the worst in people. They say that people, hidden behind the veil of their internet pseudonyms, have the courage to say horrible things about others that they would never dare utter if their true identities were revealed. This is true.

Anonymity doesn’t always have to be bad. Isn’t always bad. Anonymity can sometimes equal honesty, and honesty, though often harsh and hard to swallow, is a beautiful thing. This is the first time I try my hand at blogging under a pseudonym. Why? Because I’m sick of worrying about what my friend from 8th grade might think. Because I want to have an outlet to express how I feel about the boy or girl  I’m seeing without him/her recognizing himself/herself in the weird over-analyses that fill my head and are later transferred into words and written permanently in the depths of the internet. I want to write without worrying about what my future employers will think of what I say. And yes, I know that true anonymity is hard to come by in this day and age, but this will be a blog not advertised in my facebook status, not emailed to my curious mother and certainly not shared with acquaintances all to eager to find out “who I really am.”

If my English isn’t always coherent its because I spend the better part of my waking hours thinking/living/speaking a second language, forgive me.

And now, with honesty and anonymity…. my blog!